Books for Mom

This will be my third Mother's Day as a mom and I think it might be the most complicated holiday we have. It is a day filled with social media posts about everyone’s “Best Mom Ever” (an impossible title to place on any woman), and reminders of how painful many people’s relationship to motherhood is.

Happy Mother’s Day!…unless it isn’t!

If you’re celebrating, don’t do it too loudly because you might upset someone else who is grieving. If you are grieving, this is one day we will acknowledge you and talk about it before going back to everyday life. I know I sound cranky, but I have a foot firmly in both camps. I am a mom of two delightful little girls and I love that role. I absolutely want gifts and treats and permission to take a day to rest and be celebrated. At the same time, I lost my Mom a little over a year ago and I miss her all the time. Few days go by when I'm not reminded of a friends who want desperately to become a mom, but it hasn’t happened yet.

So, whether it's the Mother's Day cards or the commercials and marketing emails or the pastor at church that tries to encapsulate all the highs and lows of motherhood in a few words, it rings hollow for a lot of us. Because motherhood, as it turns out, isn't something that can be easily encapsulated in a few words. In just three years motherhood has challenged me, frustrated me, and surprised me time and again.

While I try to process what it means to be mothered and to mother, I turn to my trusted companions, books. I think these few titles would be great for gifting to a mom in your life. I also think they are great if you are a mom who is sorting through your own complicated relationship with that title.

Here are some of my favorite books for moms:

“Bomb Shelter” by Mary Laura Philpott

“What is a bomb shelter but either practice for something that will never happen or a postponement of the inevitable?”

I've gushed about this book plenty, but here I am gushing about it again. A major health scare for her son is the jumping off point for Mary Laura Philpott's reflections on parenting. She grapples with the reality that we can't really protect our kids from harm no matter how hard we try. It's a funny, thoughtful collection of essays that I'm sure I'll return to again and again.

“And Now We Have Everything” by Meaghan O’Connell

Give this gift to your friends right after they have the baby, but not one minute before. Meaghan O'Connell details her journey into motherhood through an unplanned pregnancy and all the complicated feelings that come along with becoming a parent before she was ready. I read this when Riley was about six months old and I felt so seen. It's an unfiltered look at how the world and a woman's identity dramatically changes once she has a baby. Meaghan O'Connell is also a features editor at romper.com, a delightful website for all things parenting.

“This Is How It Always Is” by Laurie Frankel

The only novel on this list, this book is about a family figuring out how to navigate their child coming out as trans. The family (especially the mother) in this book are a picture of unconditional love even in the absence of clear answers. No one really knows what they are doing as a parent and this book brings that into even sharper focus. In the second half of this book there is a mother/child trip that has stuck with me ever since I read it in 2018.

“Present Over Perfect” by Shauna Niequist

I am a Shauna Niequist completeist. Her writing never fails to connect with me. I wouldn't say that this is my favorite of her books, but I do think it is her most directly linked to motherhood. Parenting in 2023 can feel like one long quest for Instagram content. Here, Shauna charts a path through all the striving to a place of grace, peace, and presence. Heck, it was so good it got her an invite to Oprah's backyard.

“Tell Me More” by Kelly Corrigan

In many ways parenting is one long conversation between you and your child. The words we use around our kids matter. “Tell Me More” isn't a parenting philosophy, but rather a consideration of some of the simplest phrases that we sometimes struggle to say when it matters most. In each chapter Kelly takes words and phrases like “yes,” “no,” “I was wrong,” and “tell me more” and shares her stories of learning and relearning their power. Equal parts funny and wise.

Honorable Mention:

“Someone Other Than a Mother” by Erin S. Lane

I'm currently reading this and didn't include it on the list proper because I haven't finished yet. So far, it is a fascinating look at how the messages we say and believe about motherhood might be hurting all women whether they are moms or not. Probably not for your friend who feels like motherhood is her life's calling, but also, maybe that's exactly who its for.