Today, I am different.

I don’t usually talk about controversial issues online, but today, mass shootings are all I can think about.

I wore black today for the victims and the families of Uvalde, Texas. I don’t usually use my outfits as such a literal representation of my emotions, but today, it just felt right.

I made a donation to Everytown for Gun Safety. I’m not a regular giver to any gun control advocacy group (although that might change soon), but today it felt like the least I could do.

I contacted my representatives and asked them to support the passage of two gun control measures awaiting a vote in the Senate. If you know much about Missouri politics, you might understand why I don’t often engage my Senators. Still, they work for us, their constituents. And today it felt like a tiny way to assert the power I do have.

I clicked over to CNN.com whenever I had a break in my work today. I’m not a news junkie, and I tend towards lifestyle websites and culture sections when I do have time to read a mid-day article. Today, though, it felt wrong to read movie reviews when families are being forced to grieve their children in front of all of us.

It’s not much, but it’s the best I’ve got today.

Most of the time, when something changes us, we don’t know it in the moment. This is different. The death of innocent children in their school is the type of thing that produces an immediate reaction. The pain is intense and it hits right away, even at a distance. I hate that this happened, again. Today, I am different because of it.

I just hope that this time we will all do things we don’t usually do, make choices we don’t usually make, and that things will forever be different because of it.